her eternal being

Spirit once told me
that my child was from the sun
I pondered in amazement
wondering if my child was from
the sun, or from the Son
My child came, she was born to me
and from the sun she was
A world of light so intense our eyes can't see
but our senses perceive
A gift she was, a perfection
in body and mind

A joy, a delight, a teacher
and she took her last breath...

I feel her still...

She had dissolved herself from her body
I think through her light
and understanding of God
She didn't know her passing
would shrink me, crush me... hurt me so deep
But she knew this would push me
to be better at
listening, paying attention, and acting out of faith
So I grew, yet I ached
More than I knew was possible
An unspeakable hurt I now know to recognize in others
A hurt that only those who know, know

her eternal being

So I asked God. I prayed
with all my might, all my heart,
and all my will. I asked for her soul
to enter this world again through me.

Soon, she sent her spirit animal
a sign we both knew meant re-birth
to visit.
For a whole week, her owl came on our land
during the last lights of day
Teasing her sisters in flight
Announcing the good news
that my prayers had been answered
Her soul was once again to be embodied
and born through my womb

I am blessed beyond measure
Because I will get to know her again
As she shows me a different version of her
in body and mind
and I show myself anew to her
through my lessons learned

Julie M. Angelatos 

Note: I still wonder about the meaning of the message I received through the owl. I know it came from her, as this has always been a code between us. But a re-birth could mean that I will myself "re-birth" by bringing this child earth-side in just a few days. It was difficult to let all the feelings of fear and worries surface instead of burying them deep, but through this process of dealing with life and grief at the same time, deep healing took and continues taking place. In any case, I have been supported through the love of my family, friends, and a whole community of caring souls that have helped or are helping me each step of the way as I re-learn to live through my lessons learned.